The Sacrifice of This Life

A couple of years ago I found myself at a crossroads. There had been MANY crossroads in my life already. Moments where I had to choose a path and it shaped me. I wasn’t aware at the time that this path would not just shape, but define my entire life.

Not until I looked back years later and saw the two paths my life could have gone.

I reflect on it now because there’s so much happening around me, but not to me, that I find myself wondering and looking at the different path I could have taken.

My husband (after 3 years) will still question me about it sometimes…if I wish I would have chosen this “other” path instead of the one I’m on now. My answer is always No. And is still No.

My entire childhood and years after revolved around 2 very paradoxical dreams.
1) To Travel the World.
2) To Homestead and Raise a Family.

I know that you can still travel while having a homestead and/or a family, but for me I knew that it was one choice and one choice alone. I could not be a world traveler and have a garden. With the homestead and family also came my husband (boyfriend at the time). If I was going to travel and flit from one thing to the next, he would not just be in the background waiting for me when I came home. Which is fair to say the least. I didn’t want a house, because then someone would have to take care of it when I wasn’t there. Plus I would have to have steady work and income to pay for a house, which I wasn’t planning on doing. I was planning on traveling and getting a job wherever I was. Just enough to live on and to get me to the next place. Basically I wanted to be a nomad.

I’m sure we can all assume which path I took.

My sister just left for Colorado for the summer and my brother and his girlfriend are moving out to Oregon in a weeks time. Ironically these 2 were the siblings that went with me when I traveled to Montana 3 summers ago. It’s funny that they have chosen that path, and me, the initiator of the trip that changed us all, chose to stay put.

We make sacrifices for every dream we choose to follow. Mine was to let go of my “wanderer” path. I knew if I wanted this life, I was going to have to sacrifice. We don’t usually think that following our dreams will come with pain, but sometimes it does. It’s not a carnival ride, where you get on, move forward, go in a straight line, and get off at the end of your life.

I never wanted to be so frugal that we couldn’t rub 2 pennies together. I never wanted to drive a car with no air because there are MUCH more important things to pay for. I never wanted to take things slow with my garden and produce business because we couldn’t afford to buy 50 acres at once. I never wanted to have kids in a “non-forever home”. I never wanted to sacrifice vacations every year to focus our money towards the garden. I never wanted to give up coffee dates and play dates and day trips to fine tune my focus towards my family and life.

But I have. I’ve sacrificed so much for this life. Sometimes daily, even hourly. Not just for the “Farm Goal” but to have children and a home. I sacrificed (as we all do) my body for my daughter. I scarified alone time and money and days when my husband and I would just lay in bed all day together.

Dreams take hard work, and pain and making choices that are really really really tough. Sometimes you even have to let part of yourself go in the process to be able to fill your soul with your new life and your new path.

Everyday I know the path I chose. Sometimes it’s hard when I see the ones I love traveling or moving on to bigger things. But I know what I chose. I chose my husband and his son and I chose to get married and start a family. I chose to have a garden and a house. I chose to put roots down, not just in my town but in my heart. I chose THIS life…and it has now chosen me.

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