I’m sorry it’s been so long since my last blog post. But I HAD A BABY and took some time off from The Blog!!!
This is Lily Caroline.
There were a whole slew of complications during my labor and with Lily in the weeks that followed (that we’re still figuring out) and I just needed to be with her.
I want to take a side road from my usual garden and homesteading posts.
I wrote the following a few days after we came home from the hospital and wanted to share it with you all:
“The garden is silent. The bird feeder empty. The flower pots are half dead. I can see the things that need to be done.
Tomatoes picked and canned.
Spent pea plants cut down.
But the gardens call is a whisper compared to the call of my new daughter. Her sweet presence is all I want.
Instead of the earth between my fingers, I want her little hands.
Instead of the musty aroma of dew on the exposed soil, I want her sweet baby smell in my nose.
I don’t want the trowel or the shovel in my arms. I want her.”
I’ve been able to periodically weed and pick produce. Not to the extent I had planned. None of this was “my plan”
But in reality, who plans a Cesarean when you have prepared for a homebirth? Who plans for 7 weeks of healing instead of 3-4? Who plans for the possibility of not being able to go up and down stairs, let alone be in the garden? But I love her so much. I love being a mother.
We got home after 3 days in the hospital. Over the next few days I dealt with my emotions and feelings.
I can’t count how many times I held my new baby and cried. Thinking of what I had lost.
And I would look out of my kitchen window and see the garden growing more and more desolate.
Almost in parallel to my own heart growing more and more hard as the days came and went.
I want to share my birth story eventually, but I just can’t quite yet.
I finally was able to get back out into the garden last week. It felt so good to tend it. I realized in that moment that although my daughter is my priority now, I can’t stop doing what I love and what I was born to do in sacrifice of Motherhood.
I can’t wait for this fall season.
A new crop of leafy greens will be seeded.
Garlic will be ordered and planted and I’ll start getting the garden ready for winter.
Finding the balance is what I’m figuring out now; the mom and gardening life.
But what I’m seeing is, as Lily blooms, so does my garden, as I do along with them.